Doormat Theology

Below is today's article from "A Slice of Infinity." I'm adding "doormat theology" to my theological vocabulary.

06/24/08
Doormat Theology
Margaret Manning

Many times over the years, I have heard it taught in church sermons, Sunday school classes, or bible studies that while we are called to serve others, we should never be doormats. In other words, we should never let people walk over us, or take advantage of us. To do so is at best undignified, and at worst it infringes upon “our rights.”

Psychologists have added to this understanding by defining individuals who allow others to consistently take advantage of them as co-dependent. Co-dependence, though clinicians have not agreed on a precise definition, is defined in part by the compulsive sacrifice of one’s own values or preferences.(1) Clearly, when this is done out of fear, as a result of abuse, or because of a low-nurturance upbringing, we can understand how this might not be a desirable pattern in relating to others.

Yet most of us, if we are honest, are averse to service of any kind that asks more of us than we are willing to give. We measure out our service as we would our sugar and cream for coffee. If service cuts into our time, or our convenience or comfort, then it must be making us doormats to others, and surely that is not what Jesus meant by calling us to serve one another. Surely Jesus couldn’t have really meant that his followers should “not resist him who is evil; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone wants to sue you, and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. And whoever shall force you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you” (Matthew 5:38-42). If that is not a call to be taken advantage of, then I’m not sure what is!

But this is not the advantage of the co-dependent. Rather, it is the freely chosen offering of oneself in service to God, just as Jesus offered himself in service.

Indeed, the apostle Paul looks back to the life of Jesus as he implores the believers at Philippi to “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others...have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although he existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped” (Philippians 2:3-6). The life of a Christ-follower is to be marked by putting the interests of others on par with our own interests. Moreover, our lives are to be marked by viewing others as more important than ourselves. More important than ourselves. If we seek to follow Jesus in this way, we can expect for others to take advantage of our willingness to serve. Indeed, in calling us to offer our lives for others, we are called to practice “doormat theology”--the willing practice of laying down our lives on behalf of others--even when that service is abused or misused.

Many in our Christian world today bristle at such a suggestion. Surely, this kind of theology leads to low self-esteem and reduced self-image, they argue. Yet, a doormat theology doesn’t lead to a diminished sense of self. On the contrary, it leads to our deepened identity in Christ. James Loder adds, “Christian self-understanding drives toward the goal of giving love sacrificially with integrity after the pattern of Christ. This means the willing breaking of one’s wholeness potential for the sake of another, a free choice that has nothing to do with oppression because it is an act of integrity and everything to do with Christ’s free choice to go to the cross as an act of love.”(2) Indeed, if Jesus found his mission and calling in laying down his own life so that we could take advantage of the grace offered on our behalf, how can we do otherwise? The laying down of our lives provides the opportunity for others to walk over us, across us, and through us to the one who first laid down his life for us.

Margaret Manning is associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.

(1) http://sfhelp.org/pop2/codep.htm.
(2) James Loder, The Logic of the Spirit: Human Development in Theological Perspective (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1998), 308.