Really?

How many of you have either used or heard the excuse “But my friends were doing it…” in response to a reprimand? If you have, you are also likely familiar with the retort, “If your friends were to jump off a cliff, would you follow them?” Does anyone else have a problem with this question? Of course, the retort is meant to reveal the error of assuming a majority decision is always right by postulating a scenario in which the majority does something clearly wrong. The trouble is the scenario does not teach the intended lesson, especially when used in association with subjective rules like wearing a shirt tail out, talking in class or playing an outside game inside. As a child, I remember thinking indignantly (though I dared not say it), “What does jumping off a cliff have to do with how my friends and I wear our shirt?” Now that I am an adult who has done away with childish reasoning, I know with confidence I was right to question the relevance of cliff jumping and shirt tails. I can also now answer the question in such a way that reveals why:

First, if I answer “No, I would not follow them,” then I am asserting I do indeed have the sense not to jump off a cliff to my death. Of course, if you knew me, you would already know that. Likewise, if you knew me, you would also know I have the sense to only share company with friends who also have the sense not to jump to their death, making the proposition they would jump an insult to my friends and to me for keeping their company. Likewise, the presumption our transgression was just as morally consequential as cliff jumping is absurd since, if the transgressions were equal, I would be dead and we would not be having this conversation. Furthermore, cliff jumping is not always suicidal, meaning it is not always wrong. If we were all wearing parachutes, knew how to use them and the conditions allowed for a safe landing then I could answer with justified moral conviction “Yes! I would follow them!” Therefore, your scenario intended to demonstrate the futility of following the immoral majority has only worked to insult my intelligence, morally patronize me, and led me to justifiably question your ability to discern right from wrong since you can’t even discern the difference between matters of preference and matters of life and death.

Should your children respond so rationally, be careful not to mistake a justified demand for an apology for what may sound like a rebellious attitude. Children do not appreciate being falsely accused or irrationally reprimanded nor should they. That does not mean children should not be reprimanded. It does mean parents need to know how to discern right from wrong, how to weigh moral decisions and how to discipline their children in the way they should go so that when a reprimand is needed, it will communicate loving guidance and deserved justice, thus granting the most hopeful opportunity for genuine repentance. That also means parents need to be careful about using clichés or Scripture references learned from their parents and pastors without first making sure they are true, relevant, understood, objectively tried and personally applied. By having the logs of sin removed from their eyes by the chainsaw of truth in the hands of the Holy Spirit, parents will then be able to see clearly enough to be used by God to carefully and tenderly remove the splinters from the eyes of their loved ones, minimizing the pain and discomfort caused by their removal.

On a similar note, if this need for relevance and careful application of truth is so important to the development of children, how much more important is it to fully grown adults, including grown adults from the ghetto? Adults won’t tolerate being falsely accused or irrationally reprimanded either. Adults also do not appreciate being talked to like children nor should they, even if they are acting like children. Therefore, if your principles are offended and you are compelled to talk about or to someone else in a way that diminishes them from equality with you, recognize it is not God who is compelling you but the devil, thus revealing your need to check yourself in the mirrors of God’s Word and Spirit. While there, look at the one who offended you in the mirrors too. You may find yourself diminished by the reflection of Jesus looking down on you.

Teach me and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong. How painful are honest words! But what do your arguments prove? Do you mean to correct what I say, and treat the words of a despairing man as wind? You would even cast lots for the fatherless and barter away your friend. But now be so kind as to look at me. Job 6:24-28a